What the fuck are you talking about?

Nothing kills the refreshed feeling of coming out of the bathroom to find a missed call from work.

"My boring ass life" by Kevin Smith has reaffirmed itself as one of my favorite books, because it gives me hope for the future. I drift off to sleep with dreams of when I someday write a script or a book or shoot a crappy movie that legions of socially inept schmucks base their entire existence on, those same people will dish out their hard earned money for a copy of my diary detailing little more than what I fed my kids for breakfast, which episode of The Simpsons I fell asleep to, and how often I fuck my spouse. Ah fame-I can't wait to get a big house in LA and fill it with excessive, foreign made shit.

I spent the last hour of my shift today driving up and down Route 36 in Hazlet during rush hour, looking for a graffiti tag that the paper needed a picture of for the next day's paper. It was hot. Everything is hot.

I can't believe it is June 10, soon to be June 11, already. That's the problem with working full time-the seasons aren't really defined anymore. Summer just becomes a lot of excessively hot days spent in a stuff office, that eventually give way to freezing cold.

My birfday is in less than a month. I took the week off from work and am planning a vacation. It won't come soon enough. I want to go to the whole other side of the country and hide in a cave far far away from everything for a little while, but going to New England will have to do.

Pata Pata Pata Pon

I hate Yahoo. Seriously.

I had to create a Yahoo account to join a league's group, and from the beginning, its given me nothing but trouble.

First, it never let me open attachments. Ever. It would say I had an attachment, but didn't display the little paper clip we've all come to recognize and love. Since the league didn't work out for me, I went to leave the group and it wouldn't let me. Not even that, it just doesn't offer a little tab that says "Leave This Group''. Nothing. It took me 1o minutes and multiple page loads to eventually find that option. Even when I entered it into the help search bar, it brought me to a page telling how how to sign up for a username, when I was ALREADY LOGGED IN WITH MY CURRENT ONE DAMMIT.

Yahoo and Aol are so outdated and work horrifically and I don't know why anyone still uses them. Google is totally the "machine", but it always works and never gives me trouble, and for that, I am a believer. My blood boils at the sight of the Yahoo home page.

In other news, I am patiently waiting for my stimulus check to arrive. My shortsighted generation has been buzzing about what to do with the shot of cash. I originally thought of spending it on another tattooing project, but now I'm thinking of looking for a new computer, since my laptop is about seven years old and showing its' age. I just don't want to have to spend it on lame, real world needs, like a car payment or a rent check. Money like that is begging to be spent on irresponsible things.

Credit must go to Andy for hooking me on lolcats and loldogs, even though I publicly announce my hatred for both cats and lolspeak on a daily basis. Lolspeak is yet another example of both the dumbing down of our culture, and the unoriginality of the general public's sense of humor. But dammit, it doesn't stop me from looking at pictures of little grammatically incorrect dogs almost every day. EL. OH. EL.

P.S.-I don't have the proper platform for it, but this website lets you play demos of "Patapon" on it, a weird PSP game where you command a little army of eyeball guys by following a drum rhythm with your controller buttons. It's really neat. I read an article about this game in what I think was the Times, and I've been curious about it since. It's a good time killer, if needed.

All your base are belong to us

Happy Anniversary.

I got a chance to see "Baby Mama", a comedy about a hee-lariously mismatched duo of women brought together by a surrogacy agency.

It was entertaining enough. Tina Fey plays the hard working Philadelphia career woman VP of a Whole Food-ish supermarket chain, Kate Holbrook, who at 37 has baby fever. Amy Poehler is trashy Amy Ostrowski, a surrogate with a mouth breather husband, who drinks a lot of Dr. Pepper and yells every other sentence. After a meeting at Kate's impossibly chic Philly apartment, where Angie and her husband act like fishes out of water, the duo decide to work together to bring a baby into the world. HILARITY ENSUES.

But seriously, it was exactly what I expected it to be. Fey didn't write the movie, but if she had, it would have been so much funnier, I'm sure. Romany Malco was once again sadly but hilariously typecast as the street smart, smooth talking brother with a heart of gold, much like his character in 40 Year Old Virgin, Jay. The chemistry between Fey and Poehler is rock solid and totally believable, which helped the film immensely, especially in parts where the connection between Greg Kinnear's love interest character and Fey isn't really believable. I also laughed at the spoofs on the new agey, natural childbirth movement that is becoming big in this country. But the ending wraps up a bit too neatly and happily ever after for a film starring two women who are so adept at offbeat and black humor.

Bottom line: I'll probably watch it again when it comes out on DVD, but it wasn't one of my favorites. A halfway decent watch, but very much like a not so funny 90 minute episode of 30 Rock.

By the way, when searching Google images for "Baby Mama" to find a picture of the movie poster to put with this (because IMDB doesn't allow pictures to be saved from the site), a million pictures of super-trashy looking women and ugly children come up. Niiiiiiiice.

Easter candy+me-consequence= <3

I'm going to act my sex for a moment, if I may.

I'm out of shape.

Not terribly out of shape, I've found that taking a six week hiatus from the gym (a result of my new work schedule, NOT my boyfriend, as several people have suggested.), my workout stamina hasn't diminished at all. Sure, I'm not as flexible as I was two months ago, but I found that I could hop back on the treadmill or lift the same weights and not get winded, and after restarting my working out full time last week, I found that not only did I feel awesome, it was like I never stopped. And that is the true measurement of how healthy a person may or may not be.

But, I know I've gained a few pounds back (like, all of them), and it's kind of frustrating knowing that had I stayed on track with my work0ut, I would be able to be looking at swimsuits now instead of saying that I'm going to wait another month because I'm totally going to kick my ass into gear and lose a few pounds.

I've taken great pleasure in the last week of watching bitchy gossip sites rip Carnie Wilson apart because she's back up to 200 pounds of after losing gobs of weight after gastric bypass a few years ago, whoring herself out to every possible media outlet and showing her loose skin off in Playboy. I spent two years in Rutgers doing project after project analyzing the public's appetite for famous and semi-famous and not even semi-famous people, and even if you think that you are above it because you recognize the patterns, I'm telling you that there is still a bit part of your brain that just wants to watch people on TV fucking fail at life and be fat like the rest of us.
So that's where my brain has been yesterday and today.

On a lighter note, I've had a lot of energy building up because of the warm weather, and I just want to go outside and run around and play tennis or go swimming. I'm thinking about entering a contest at Work Out World where you work several times a week with a trainer for six weeks, and the person who loses the most weight wins free dues for life. I get bored very easily with working out, and I've never tried working with a trainer before, so it might be something new and fun to try. Maybe.

Today is the last day before Comcast takes the Cartoon Network away from me and makes it available only through digital cable. I am really upset by this and will miss late night cartoons very, very much. This might actually be enough to make me look into getting a digital connection so I can watch Metalocalypse again. I remember when Cartoon Network was first launched, and it was only available through deluxe cable packages.

Lastly, this made me giggle today. A lot. To the point where I was almost late for work. Leah was grossed out by the plug in tongue, while I laughed audibly at the "Stuffoscope".

There was a mollusk and a sea cucumber. None of them were walking and-

Vacation goes so fast. It's kind of unfair.

Today was my favorite kind of day off, and was spent doing menial errands that I don't have time for during the week, going to the gym and watching an America's Next Top Model marathon. Today was also free ice day at Rita's, which I am so glad I partook in. I got the birthday cake flavor, which tasted like the icing on cheap sheet cake. mmmm.


Yesterday we went into NYC and saw the butterfly room at the Natural History Museum, which was so neat and fun. Its kind of like a sealed pod that you go into, and its very warm and brightly lit and filled with plants and flowers and moss and a few hundred butterflies are everywhere, flying up to your face, landing on your shirt, standing on the ceiling, just everywhere. Some of them were the size of small birds, so big you could see their tongues curled under, and some were so teeny tiny I was afraid that they were going to fly into my mouth if I got too close. It was a really neat experience, and I took a lot of pictures on my phone, which I'm trying to figure out how to send to the computer so I can post them.

We also dicked around the rest of the museum, looking at the wall of different animal kingdoms and stuff on the third floor and I must've said "Gross" at least 10 times while Lewis explained the different types of invertebrates and worms and fungi to me. Then we went to Carnegie Deli and partook in salted meats and chicken fat and I was as happy as could be. If I could have changed anything though, it would not have been raining; we did a lot of walking and NYC in the rain sucks, no matter how you slice it.

On a more serious note, probably my best story to date was published this week, pertaining to a group of CBA students going to Asbury Park for a community outreach program. It was a cool assignment and I'm pleased with how it turned out. Check it out.

http://www.app.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=200880319024

I am officially on vacation, and it is lovely. I laid around with my old man all day, catching up on sleep, ordering takeout and watching all of season one of the Venture Brothers, which I've never watched before this week and got sucked right into.

We went to NYC yesterday with his family and toured the uptown area before going allllll the way downtown and riding the Staten Island ferry, which I've never done before and probably wouldn't ever have, if it wasn't on the itinerary.
I was super exhausted from my weird work schedule from the days before plus the tired-ness of walking around NYC all day, so needless to say, the sole purpose of today was to nap.

This evening, I got to finish watching "The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters", which is a documentary about mega-nerds going against each other to see who can get the highest score in arcade Donkey Kong. There were multiple parts that made me doubt whether or not it was a real documentary, but it is legit, and it's mildly entertaining, if you are a classic game enthusiast. It was really cool to see guys break a million points and have the screen reset itself, and to see the kill screens (in old arcade games, there was no end screen because the games didn't have enough memory. Once you started playing the last board, you just died. It's actually a more entertaining end than the end of a lot of old Nintendo games.)


So, to recap, I am out of work until the 24th. Give me a call if you want to go on any zany adventures.