Ker-smash

It's very warm out today. I hope this means that spring is sooner than we think and I can start leaving my apartment windows all night without freezing. I've had enough fo winter. Fo' realz. There was too much snow, and in an urban area like Highland Park/Edison/New Brunswick, snow doesn't look pretty. It gets black and grey and fills up the roads and ices over my car and generally makes everyone miserable. Snowfall is prettier in Monmouth County, but only on days that it isn't getting in the way of work.

Tommorow, I will have had my Honday Civic for one year. Yesterday, while returning from a lunch run (at Wawa, of all places), I was t-boned by an SUV that went through a yield at the end of a jughandle and either see me or tried to beat me.

I have the gnarliest, ugliest, bruise ever on the underside of my left arm from my shoulder to my elbow, where she impacted the driver side of my car, but I am not seriously hurt. But from a distance, it looks like I got my arm slashed open. It's huge, disgusting and itches. Yuck.

The funny thing was, when she hit me, I yelled a lot and then as soon as I got out of the car, all my anger vanished and a calm came over me and I wasn't mad at all.

But, after multiple insurance company calls from three different people, two recorded statements, endless questions asking me to go over what happened again and again, having to get the car towed to a body shop, dealing with police and a general feeling of exhaustion since last night, what bothers me the most is that fact that this woman didn't even attempt to say "I'm sorry''

When I finally got the car over to the side of the road, she gave me a look of complete horror and stopped her car. She got out and stared at the damage to her SUV with her hand to her mouth. I asked her three times if she was OK. She look up at me in shock and then climbed into her car and stayed there. The cops issued her a summons and recognized the fact that I was completely blameless.

I had a big self-pity tirade typed out but I won't post it, because it's useless. I am not hurt. I am driving a big, gaudy bright blue car now with awful speakers, but it's better than driving nothing. My furlough begins in a week, but Watchmen comes out on the sixth. So, I can't be anything less than OK right now.

What I'm feeling a lot of right now is the creeping realization that I need to find something else. I need a new job, particularly after this happened while I was at work for a job that I don't like anymore, picking up lunch from a place I didn't want to go to.

I am hoping to channel this energy into a new spat of job searching, and hope to find something that makes me feel good to do, rather than just puts money in my hands. I don't know what that is, but I've put off finding it for the past year, and I need to get myself back to a good place because where I am now is not healthy, mentally, creatively and physically. I'm ready to go back to my life.